Three Simple Ways to Grow Your Friendships This Spring

In a chaotic world filled with uncertainty, relationships can be what sustain us.

When life feels overwhelming, our instinct might be to retreat. And that’s good! The mystics show us that moments of calm and contemplation are essential to our well-being. But what if, especially in times of upheaval, reaching out is just as beneficial as turning inward?

“When we journey through challenging seasons together, rather than alone, what felt like an impasse becomes a way forward,” says the Rev. Kristin Kaulbach Miles, priest and director for Parish Life at Trinity Church. 

By caring for others and allowing ourselves to be cared for, we put faith into practice — and grow strong in love. We become the community we’re created to be. 

Yet a recent study shows that, in the United States, social isolation is not the exception but the norm. 

So, how do we resist disconnecting when we’re at capacity just getting by? We can practice integrating friendship into the lives we’re already living. And spring is a great time to start.

Share a meal

Hosting a dinner party can feel like a lot to handle — deciding on the menu, grocery shopping, tidying your apartment, timing it all so the food stays warm. And then you’ve got to tackle cleanup! The mere thought of what’s ahead becomes a hurdle to connection. So, instead of attempting to craft the perfect evening, keep it simple.

“Christian hospitality is not about entertaining,” says Mother Kristin. “It’s about meeting basic needs. It’s about feeling safe. It’s about being present with one another.”

It’s okay to skip the big event in favor of informal — and impromptu — gatherings. Pick up takeout and invite someone to share it with you. If you’re surprised by a pleasantly warm evening, grab some sandwiches and ask another family in your building to join you on the stoop. That’s a classic New York picnic. And if you love cooking, try out a new recipe with a friend, but keep it low stakes. It’s okay if it’s not perfect the first time. 

When we invite people into the no-big-deal stuff, our lives are suddenly infused with connection. And every once in a while, an ordinary moment becomes something more.”

The point isn’t the food, or the performance, but the time shared with others. “Connection can happen anywhere: a kitchen table, a diner booth, or a blanket in the park,” says Mother Kristin. “Any table can be an altar — a place to meet God in one another.”

Take in the arts

Experiencing the arts together strengthens the bonds of friendship in part because it gives you something to talk about, but also because the things that take us out of our routines tend to open our hearts and minds to transcendence — to something beyond ourselves. 

And what better city than New York to see or do something you’ve never seen or done before? It doesn’t need to be complicated or expensive. Enter the lottery for discounted rush tickets to the ballet or opera, stop by the new mind-opening exhibit at The Met, or enjoy a free Jazz at One concert in St. Paul’s Chapel — and take someone along with you.

Something sacred happens through shared experience. Deepening our awareness of the universal through the arts ultimately reveals to us the countless, and at times surprising, ways our lives are intertwined. 

“That’s what incarnation is about: proximity,” says Mother Kristin. “God with us; us with one another.”

Run an errand

The secret to building real community, particularly in the place you call home, is incorporating your relationships into your everyday life. Then friendship is not another thing to check off your always-growing to-do list; it’s simply part of what you’re already doing. In other words, not everything needs to be a calendar invite.

Running to Trader Joe’s? Ask a friend to join. Lugging that misguided online purchase to UPS? Ask a friend to join. Walking your dog? Ask a . . . you get the idea.

When we invite people into the no-big-deal stuff, our lives are suddenly infused with connection. And every once in a while, an ordinary moment becomes something more — a vulnerable confession on the sidewalk, a hug you really needed just before hopping on the train, the kind of shared silence that ministers to your heart in ways you don’t fully understand.

“We are not alone on this walk,” says Mother Kristin. “The hurts and sorrows, embarrassments and disappointments, possibilities and love that we carry, Jesus carries with us.”

And we can carry them with one another, even on a quick run to the bodega.

When you start asking people to join you for a meal, a new experience, or even an errand, chances are they’ll start inviting you too. And here’s the challenge: saying yes in return. Friendship requires curiosity, flexibility, and intention from both parties. That’s how you build community. 

“We were made, we are here, for one another,” says Mother Kristin.